2020 has been anything but normal. In fact, I don't have to tell you how utterly crazy these last six months have been. A global pandemic, nursing crisis, celebrity deaths (Kobe Bryant was particularly difficult for my sports-loving family), school closings, job lay-offs, homicidal insects, and the worst of all, the continuous murdering of unarmed Black men and women. Needless-to-say, I've been overwhelmed, but nothing would overwhelm me like finding out that we were yet again expecting. Let me give you a little backstory so that you can understand my shock.
We have three daughters, Jordyn, Lauryn and Carmyn. Jordyn is seven years older than Lauryn, and Lauryn is seven years older than Carmyn. We are expert spacer-outers (yes, I made up that word)! I will admit, that this seven year gap trend was not entirely purposeful by design. We were such young parents the first time around that the thought of another one so soon after was out of the question. Between Lauryn and Carmyn, I got busy. We moved city and states, changed jobs countless times, and I obtained two degrees. I didn't have time in between to add another child. Our youngest Carmyn was born in June 2019. Though we knew that we wanted a fourth child to complete our family, we decided to wait until Carmyn was at least three years old. So we planned, and God laughed. In December 2019, we conceived, completely unaware, unprepared, and unplanned. We were in for a big surprise.
January 2020 came and went, but "Tanty no come to town" (West-Indian reference to missing a cycle). I immediately went into denial mode. February came and went, still no sign of Tanty. To be honest, I never took a test to confirm this pregnancy, I just knew. Meanwhile, the world was falling apart, my husband was freaking out over the lack of space in our house, and Carmyn, who was by this time 8 months, had become so clingy that I couldn't even pee without her screaming for me. I was overwhelmed. I worried. I stressed. I couldn't imagine adding another to my load of people to care for. But then something happened that would change my mindset and reverse my mood.
I was finally able to get into the doctor's office in March 2020. It felt like deja-vu. I was just there for this same thing. I was embarrassed. My healthcare providers teased me just slightly, but to my surprise, they were all very excited. It was the first time I felt as if I had permission to be excited, too. And then, IT happened. I heard my baby's heartbeat. It all suddenly became real and I knew I had been trusted by God to do this one more time, to bring another life into this world. I became filled with peace and joy. I went into that office unsure that I could handle this big task that God had given me, but left feeling renewed, blessed, and capable.
Although number four was a complete and utter surprise, it has been the sweetest, most rewarding surprise of our lives. During a time of death, uncertainty, illness, and chaos, God had given me peace. He had given my family a precious gift; He had given us life. No matter the task or how overwhelming the task may be, just know that God is the divine designer of our destinies and author of all things good. Our family trusts Him and He hasn't let us down yet!